The love of my life

I wait for the call in the night. I've waited for years. I've imagined his voice at the other end. If he did call, how will I behave? Will I scream? Its not like me. I'm not a screamer. I cant actually remember the last time I screamed just to let it all out. Maybe Ill just collapse to the floor and start crying. Or maybe Ill just freeze. This guy, he is the love of my life. But people talk. They say horrible thing about him. The worst I've heard is when they say his sick. They say his mentally sick. I don't seem to care for he is that light that I will never get to. Sometimes I catch myself staring at the window wondering if I will ever see his light brown jeep pass by like it use to. So I try to take all those little pieces of love from the people around me to replace the one that got away.  I don't really talk much about him, mostly because I feel week just mentioning his name. I'm hurt. I'm hurt and its not fair! Its no fair that I don't get to have that love. Its not fair that I don't get to mention his name. Its not fair that I get ignored by him. What if he dies and I never got the chance to say goodbye? So i just keep quite not mentioning a word about him, even thought his in my mind every minute of the day. Sometimes I dream of going somewhere and just seeing him there wandering, exploring like he does, like he showed me. I remember one day we where going to a beach, as we put are stuff in the car and suddenly its starts raining so we sit in a bench under a really big umbrella just watching the rain. I now wish I could be those little drops of rain that looked like soldiers marching, brave and with a heart of stone. Its been 6 years since I last saw you and if you happen to see this know that I love you and that I forgive you. Till then daddy.